Many years after being sold as a slave by his brothers, Yoseph encounters his brothers in Egypt. Amazingly, Yoseph emerged as the ruler of the country. Yoseph recognized his brothers, but they did not recognize that Yoseph, the Egyptian monarch, was their brother. Yoseph utilizes the situation to stir his brothers to acknowledge their wrongdoing. At the climax of this compelling emotional drama, Yoseph cries out to his brothers, "I am Yoseph. Is my father still alive?" With these few words, Yoseph reveals himself to his brothers. He did not scold nor confront his brothers. Nor did he scream at them, or try to make them feel guilty. He simply told them the fact that he was Yoseph. They intuitively understood the liability of their actions. Even though Yoseph had good reason to criticize and condemn his brothers, he was careful to avoid any offensive or hurtful words.
Yoseph's gentle approach is the Torah model of all reproof. When one person rebukes another, it is inappropriate to say any accusing, inflammatory, or hurtful words. Admonishment is not an excuse to unleash cruelty or anger. In light of this, concerning rebuke, the Torah states (Vayikra 19:17), "Do not bear a sin." That is, when offering criticism, do not embarrass or hurt the person you are advising.
Always choose to communicate with pleasant and positive words. Refrain from expressing inflammatory words and do not engage in any negative criticism. If you must correct your friend, think very carefully of the gentlest way to convey your message. Approach your friend in privacy, and with high sensitivity and compassion.
(Based on the writings of Rav Dovid Leibowitz)
