Wine and Meat During the Nine Days\ Parashat Devarim
We find ourselves once again in what we call the “nine days” (from Rosh Chodesh Av until Tisha B’av) – the more intensified mourning period of the “three weeks”. The rules of mourning harshen even more after Shabbos in the week of Tisha B’av and still more on Erev Tisha B’av after midday and then climax on Tisha B’av itself. May we merit to see the end to our mourning with the coming of Mashiach right away!
It is the custom in Klal Yisrael to refrain during the nine days from eating meat and drinking wine/grape juice. The reason being because these are associated in the Torah with Simcha, something we need to lessen in these days of mourning. Being, though, that this is a Minhag that Klal Yisrael has accepted upon itself and not forbidden by the law of the Gemara, it therefore comes along with certain leniencies.
The Maharil (around 5115 - 5187) writes that the Minhag does not apply in the instance of a Seudas Mitzvah, such as the meal at a Bris Milah or Pidyon Ha’ben or a Siyum Maseches. There is, however, one qualification; the only ones who may join are those with a connection to the Simcha, such as relatives or friends that would normally come to such an occasion to partake in the Simcha. Someone who just comes for the opportunity to be able to eat or drink may not participate during the nine days. [He even calls this a מצוה הבאה בעבירה.] Furthermore, during the actual week of Tisha B’av, participants should be limited to a Minyan of ten exclusively.
The Rama (approx. 5300) (דרכי משה סי' תקנא אות י') cites this opinion as well as an opinion that even from the beginning of the nine days one can only invite a Minyan of ten exclusively. The Ramah in Shulchan Aruch rules like the Maharil, allowing for a large crowd until the week of Tisha B’av. On the other hand, the Levush (a talmid of the Ramah) rules like the opinion that limits to a Minyan during the entire nine days. He adds that some say that the close relatives of the Ba’al Simchah are not included in the ten and one may invite ten besides for them.
According to the explanation of the לבושי שרד, the Magen Avraham (5397-5443) seems to understand that according to the Levush these ten people can even be a random ten people, even if they are only coming for the opportunity to eat and drink. (It seems though from the שער הציון ס"ק פ"ד that he understood the Magen Avraham differently than did the Levushei Srad.)
In summary, it turns out that each the Rama and the Levush have a point of leniency and a point of stringency. According to the Ramah, until the actual week of Tisha B’av one may invite as many people as he wishes. However, these can only be people who would come anyway to take part in the Simcha. It also seems that in the week of Tisha B’av the limit of ten includes even family members.
Alternatively, according to the Levush anyone may join in the Simcha, but already from Rosh Chodesh the guests are limited to ten only, this number possibly not including immediate family members. The Magen Avraham writes that a person may not straddle the fence, taking the leniencies of each side. Rather, he must follow one opinion both with its leniency and stringency.
The Mishna Berurah rules like the Ramah, that one may invite many people prior to the week of Tisha B’av, provided that they are friends or family. He also writes, based on the Taz (5346-5427), that during the week of Tisha B’av even according to the Rama immediate family members are not included in the count of ten guests and one may invite ten guests aside from them.
Another pertinent Halachah, is that, based on the same principle as a Seudas Mitzvah, one may drink the wine of Havdalah being that it is a Mitzvah. The Ramah writes, however, that if there is a child available it is better for one to give the cup to the child to drink at the conclusion of Havdalah. The Mishnah Berurah stipulates that it must be a child of the age of chinuch (usually age 6), but not yet old enough to mourn over the churban. The Steipler Gaon, though, is quoted as saying that the Minhag is to give a child up until the age of Bar Mitzvah.
